Why is a banana skin like a T-shirt?
Because it's easy to slip on.

Why do bakers work so hard?
Because they knead the dough.

Why are cooks cruel?
Because they beat the eggs and whip cream.

Why did the egg stop running?
Because it was egghausted.

If an egg was floating down the Murray River, where would it have come from?
A chicken.

Why did the jelly wobble?
Because it saw the milk shake.

What sort of meat do karate experts prefer?
Chops.

What type of cake do children dislike?
A cake of soap.

What's the best day for cooking eggs and bacon?
Fri-day.

Why did the boy keep a loaf of bread in his comic?
He liked crumby jokes.

What sugar sings?
I-sing sugar.

Why did the banana split?
Because it saw the apple turnover.

What fills a field with music?
Popcorn.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.

What animals in Noah's Ark didn't come in pairs?
Worms. They came in the fruit.

What's the favourite meal of nuclear scientists?
Fission chips.

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot. (Maybe it was eaten. Yuk!!!)

How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it.

What sort of breakfast do comedians prefer?
Cornflakes.

How do you help a deaf fisherman?
Give him a herring aid.

What did the cannibal have for lunch?
Baked beings on toast.

Why do idiots eat biscuits?
Because they're crackers.

Why do people on a diet eat candles?
Because they prefer light meals.

What is a meatball?
A dance in a butcher's shop.

What never hurts when it falls?
Rain.

Why do birds fly south in winter?
It's too far to walk.

What bird is present at every meal?
Swallow.

Why don't you advertise in the paper for your lost dog?
He can't read.

When is a cushion like a chair?
When it is satin.

Why did the elephant quit the circus?
He got tired of working for peanuts.

What starts and ends with T, and is full of T?
Teapot.

Where would you be when the lights go out?
In the dark.

You are my brother, but I am not your brother. Who am I?
Your sister.

What time is it when the clock strikes 20?
Time to buy a new clock.

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.

If one horse is in the barn, and one horse is running loose, which one is singing, "Don't fence me in"?
Neither. Horses can't sing.

What side of a robin has the most feathers?
The outside.

Why did the mother buy her son three socks?
Because he grew another foot!

What do you call a monkey that eats potato chips?
A chipmonk.

How do two porcupines kiss each other?
Very carefully.

What is the biggest pen in the world?
Pennsylvania.

What kind of paper makes the best kites?
Flypaper.

What is the oldest furniture in the world?
The multiplication tables.

What was the Romans' greatest accomplishment?
Speaking Latin.

What is cut but never eaten?
A deck of cards.